Hoboken, NJ
Watch out Guido's and Guidette's! Hoboken, NJ politicians have signed a bill that mandates bouncers to charge a $5 door tax to anyone that comes to Hoboken Friday after 5pm all day Saturday and all day Sunday that looks like a Guido or a Guidette.
A 4 page memo was released to all club and bar owners that defines what either a guido or guidette will or could look like. The $5 surcharge is across the board in Hoboken, therefore those Goomba's who think they have half a brain and try to enter a dive bar to beat the surcharge will be sadly mistaken.
The official report from city hall stipulates the following:
Charge $5 to anyone that
Has gel in their hair
Has a wife beater on
Has a large gold necklace
Has a bigger nose than you
Has Dakkar or Cool Water on
Keeps wiping their nose every 60 seconds (call cops too)
Has a Clifton, NJ drivers license
Has a first name that ends in A or I (girls only)
Makes girls squeeze their muscles while on line
Has less than 10 dollars cash in wallet
Local visitors are all up in arms over this new debacle. Vinny Russopetrocinocalamari from Belville says "Are you frigggggin serious? Yo, I am Mannasquan's finest example of true Italiano. If this stays in effect I may be declined to tell my uncle Paulie who knows this guy Vinny who back in 2002 knew this guy named Carmine who lived in Hoboken and had this roommate named Joey who knew this guy named Pasquale that knew this girl Maria and Maria will tell Gina who knows Paula and Paula will fuck diz shitttt up yo!!"
Local uptown diner owner Bobby Apostolopocostodosopolus the XXIVth disagrees with the town imposing the Aqua Net user tax clause. "This is ratshit!! I have a diner with a bar. Now all my disco fries eating customers will go away. Many people have big noses, Italians, the jews, us greeks. How can I, for sure, know who is a Guido?"
Town hall has not returned our calls for an answer.
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