Buddy O'Valastro honored in Hoboken 2011 St. Patrick's Day parade

Bizarre Hoboken was lucky this year to interview Buddy O'Valastro of Carlo's Bakery about his participation in the St Patrick's Day parade for 2011.  We asked the questions, and the MICK for a day gave us some great answers.

"Bizarre Hoboken"  Buddy.  I thought you were Italian?  I see you are wearing the colors of Ireland.  What gives?

"Buddy O'Valastro"  I made this myself.  Its made of a tri-color modeling chocolate.

"BH" Wow, that is very creative.  Tell me about the Corvette you just car jacked and plan to use in the parade?  "Buddy" I didn't car jack this LOL, the Corvette is made of Rice Krispy treats actually.  The wheels are pressed modeling chocolate and the rims are made of chrome glazed fondant.  Under the car I have 8 teenagers I pay $7 an hour to in the bakery to move this fucker along the street.

"BH" Are you going to wave to people?  "BUDDY" Yes I will.  But little do they know it's not a wave of love, it's a wave of 'stay out of my fucking way and let the tourists inside'.  Last thing I need is local people moaning and bitching about why coffee is $4 a cup and why they got to wait on line too.  The way I see it is, if you don't want to spend your boiled potatoes, step the fuck off and go to Shop Rite.

"BH" That is not a nice thing to say Buddy.  "BUDDY"  Oh screw these local people.  I served them for a century and I get a TV show and these local Bokenites start with their typical bullshit.  I was born here and worked here from the get go.  All these new people can go screw themselves.  All that matters is me, my show and the 1000's of friggin idiots that wait in line for 6 hours and spend $9 for a cupcake.

"BH" You seem very Chuck Norris in your responses Buddy.  Any how, I have to cut the interview short, I just got a text from my boy that there are these gals from Clifton at my friends house doing Jaeger Bombs and showing some bra silk.  Any last words for the people of Hoboken?

"BUDDY" Screw all of you.  Stop being jealous.  And yes, my penis is bigger than the line we get daily.

By Gregory Heinzwardholder

Bono to run for Hoboken mayor 2014

Yes, it is confirmed.  U2 front man Bono will be running for Hoboken mayor in 2014.  Bono as we all know is for a better world, world peace and love and Hoboken, NJ will be his next attempt at providing all of this.

"What a beautiful town.  Potholes, broken pipes, flooding, derogatory websites, Board of Ed problems, park problems, double parking issues, guido attraction, cover charges at bars, kids selling candy on streets, smelly cabs, 1 record store, lazy people always taking cabs 6 blocks, confusing happy hours, cheating trivia people etc etc, all issues that can be fixed by me belting "It's a beautiful day"  I will make Nelson Mandella head of the Parking Authority.

With the young demographic it looks like Bono may have his day in the bosses chair.  More to come as intelligence comes our way.

Local Gay Men protest Kings Supermarket. Gays claim it should be called Queens instead

Hoboken, NJ 

10-01-10

"We're here, we're queer, we will not disappear" was the chant heard all over uptown Hoboken tonight as mobs of local gay men were protesting Kings Supermarket.  Sylvester Torres of Hoboken said "It is unfair that they sell their franchise to a new owner, who is a gay man, and the new owner like won't change the name to something a little more realistic.  This new owner is such a fucking bitch!!"

The outrage comes 2 days after Kings Supermarket Corp sold Renaldo Gary, 42 of Franklin lakes, NJ 7 of their locations including the Hoboken, NJ location .  Mr. Gary is a well known local NJ successful man who is openly gay.  "No wonder he is such a bottom, sooooo typical" cried Marvin Jones at the protest.

Mr. Gary, who announced the take over was coming last month received tons of letters on pink Hallmark paper and emails from gay NJ men that asked Mr. Gary to change the name of the Hoboken, NJ location to Queens and make all the aisles pink and place dancing thong boys in the "MEAT" section.

Mr. Gary could not be reached for comment at press time.

Gay men in undies protest Kings no name change in Hoboken today.

Photo Phil Theegrave

Frank SInatra Drive to be Renamed Arite Lange Boulevard 11-15-10

Hoboken, NJ

10-01-10

Rumorville in Hoboken from several reliable sources have all confirmed that come middle November of this year Frank Sinatra Drive will be renamed Artie Lange Boulevard.  Local officials feel that Frank Sinatra is just some deceased guy who people no longer talk or really care about.  A local official who wishes to remain anonymous said "Hoboken is known for antics, drunks, trouble makers and a few yuppies.  Who better to represent our town in style than Artie "Devil Dog Eating" Lange"

We asked several local people about the changes.  Eric Howard 22 of Hoboken said "Who the fuck is Frank Sinatra?".  When told he was a famous musician Mr. Howard replied "Cool, was he like in Korn or some shit?"

Maybelline McCarther said "This is good.  We are a young town and the Frank guy resembles a gigantic geriatric kingdom, which we are not.  I am happy to see this change."

New 4th Ward City Council Candidate Running Breaking News!!!

Watch out Mike and Tim, Mango the Chimpanzee has announced he is running for 4th Ward city council.  Mango is dodging the Operation Trust thingy or whatever it is called and is offering banana's and not cash to get people to vote for him.

Stevens University and St Peters College 1st to have NCAA Jello Wrestling teams

9-28-10

Hoboken, NJ

Stevens University in Hoboken and St Peters College in Jersey city both announced today that they are the 1st to colleges in the USA to participate in NCAA sanctioned collegiate Jello Wrestling.  The first match will take place October 8th 2010 at Stevens.

"We will have cherry jello since our colors are red" added Ath Dir of Stevens.  St. Peter's who's color is blue will use Blueberry jello.

Christine Dumont of Stevens said "I am an engineering major and a real dork.  I always dreamed of joining a college sport and this is a sport where I can really do some damage.  St. Peter's has no chance"

Rosie Nunez of St. Peter's college added "Yo, fucks that bitch in Hoboken.  I'm gonna mess that lil white girl up yo".

The action starts at 8.  Be there.  Admission is free

Update!! Guido's banned from coming to Hoboken bars

9-26-10

Hoboken, NJ

On 9-26-10 50 all 181 Hoboken bar and restaurant owners met at the gymnasium at the local high school to vote on a Guido allowance vote for Hoboken.  The vote was to determine whether or not, in general Hoboken bars and restaurants should allow meat heads in establishments

The vote was 91 Nay and 90 Yes therefore determining that GUIDOS are no longer allowed to come to Hoboken to go out.

Note from the editor:  Attention meat heads, yes it is true, you are no longer allowed entry to any bars in Hoboken, stay in Bayonne and Lodi, your money is no good here.